Do you feel alone in your relationship?

Does it feel like your partner is a million miles away even when you’re sitting across the table from each other?  Painful couple conflict (or even just the lack of meaningful, connected communication) can impact all areas of life.  You might wonder if your partner loves you anymore, whether your relationship can survive, or if something is wrong with your partner or with you. When worry and frustration continue to build, it can feel difficult to pay attention at work, have patience with children, or get enough sleep at night.  Worry, frustration, and exhaustion might have you or your partner behaving in ways that make you question whether you ever really knew each other (or even yourself).  Many couples feel stuck and at a loss as to how to change the painful patterns they find themselves repeating.

You might be thinking to yourself, “If I could just feel like my partner loves me, cares about my feelings, and would work to heal our relationship, I would be able to relax.” It might even feel like you and your partner are the only ones who are struggling.  The truth is. . .

All relationships are difficult sometimes.

In our culture of posting online and sharing only when things are going well, it can feel like no one else around us is struggling.  The truth is, most couples experience ups and downs in their relationships.  For many couples, the connection they felt early on in their relationship begins to decline as work, children, hobbies, friends, or other commitments require the time and energy they once spent on each other. Often, this disconnect becomes very apparent when something happens that the couple must face, such as the illness of a child, a layoff or change of job, a parent who needs care, or the death of a loved one.  Even positive changes, such as the birth of a new child, can create conflict in the relationship. 

Do you and your partner get stuck in arguments that are never resolved?  Have you experienced a decline in intimacy?  Has your relationship been impacted by infidelity?  Perhaps you are even beginning to wonder (or talk about) separation or divorce.

Don’t lose hope!  Although feelings of sadness, anger, distrust, and irritability can feel overwhelming when your relationship is suffering, you and your partner can reignite the love and intimacy you previously shared.  In the nonjudgmental, compassionate care of an experienced couples therapist, you, your partner, and your relationship can find healing and growth.

You don’t have to fix your relationship alone

I offer couples a safe, nonjudgmental space to begin your journey back to each other.  As a Marriage and Family Therapist formally trained in multiple approaches to couples therapy and marriage counseling, I tailor my approach to work for you, your partner, the unique difficulties you are facing, and the goals you have for your relationship. 

As you begin couples counseling with me, you can expect to become an expert on your partner (and expect that your partner will become an expert on you!).  During sessions, I help couples learn new skills to communicate in ways that rebuild intimacy and connection while tackling the tough topics that have come between you.  You’ll learn how to let your partner know what you need, and your partner will also learn how to anticipate your needs (even when those needs are different from theirs).  You may be surprised to find that you and your partner need different things from each other, and as you grow in understanding and empathy, your confidence and joy in caring for each other will expand.  As the connection between you heals and grows, curiosity and compassion replace worry and resentment and your relationship begins to feel like a safe place to come home to at the end of each day.

With training in PACT (Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy) and Gottman Couples Therapy as well as familiarity with additional evidence based approaches, I am well-suited to help you and your partner find healing.  I have helped couples learn to manage conflict more calmly, renew emotional and sexual intimacy, and connect with each other at levels they had never experienced before therapy. 

Feeling more hopeful, but still have questions and concerns about whether couples therapy is right for you and your relationship?

What if my partner shares things that feel embarrassing or private?

Especially for people who have not been in therapy previously, beginning couples counseling or marriage counseling can feel very vulnerable.  People often feel some embarrassment about things they have done or said, and worry that the therapist will take sides with one partner or another.  However, in my office, your relationship is my primary client.  Taking this perspective, I often see cycles of how the thoughts/feelings/actions of one partner lead to the thoughts/feelings/actions of the other an so on.  Additionally, many couples have difficulties with physical intimacy and really want help, but find talking about sex difficult.  I approach couples therapy with nonjudgement and compassion to make your conversations as comfortable as possible.  Past couples that I have worked with reported feelings of relief and a renewed sense of hope after talking through difficult topics, even those they felt guilt or shame about prior to the session. 

I’m not sure if the problems my partner and I are having are serious enough for couples therapy?

All couples, from those considering moving in together or getting married because things are going so well to those who feel divorce is their only option, can benefit from couples therapy.  You will learn skills that can help make the sweet moments sweeter and help you navigate difficult topics in ways that don’t damage your relationship.  Additionally, you’ll learn how to care for each other emotionally, even though your needs may differ.  Whatever your goals are, couples counseling can help smooth the way.  In fact, up to 75 percent of couples who seek couples therapy report improvements in their relationship.

What if I’m ready to start therapy but my partner refuses to join me?

Although couples therapy and marriage counseling is very effective when both members of a couple attend together, one partner can actually make significant changes in the relationship all on their own!  By learning about your own relationship style, how that might come across to a partner with a different relationship style, and by making subtle changes, you can begin to help heal your relationship.  Sometimes, partners begin noticing the changes and become curious and hopeful enough to enter couples therapy with you.

Shouldn’t we be able to figure out how to do this without professional help?

Many couples believe that they should be able to figure out how to heal their relationship on their own.  After all, their grandparents were married for 50+ years and never went to couples therapy!  The truth is, in today’s culture we rarely have the opportunity to watch skilled couples interact with each other, especially during conflict.  Without learning how to manage conflict successfully and reconnect, long-term marriages that are happy are difficult to create.  Couples counseling may mean the difference between surviving and thriving in your relationship with your spouse or partner.

I’m here to help!  Email or call for your free 30-minute consultation.

Past clients have shared that picking up the phone or sending an email for the first time was one of the most difficult parts of couples therapy.  In order to help this feel easier, I offer free 30-minute consultations to couples in the Fort Collins area.  I want you and your partner to feel comfortable with me and have a chance to ask any questions you might have.  Either in-person or by phone, we can find a time that fits your schedules. Either in-person or by phone, we can find a time that fits your schedules. Call (970) 294-1487 or email to schedule a time to talk.

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